Nephi's Sisters

The Book of Mormon is written for our time. It teaches us about the pride cycle, the Zoramites' contempt for the poor, the Gadianton robbers; it shows us how social divisions, both economic and racial, contributed to a civilization's downfall. All these principles are well taught in our manuals and classes and have been incorporated into our narrative of gospel understanding.

But what if all those things were just symptoms of a much more fundamental problem going on in the Book of Mormon? What if the seeds of the Nephite's downfall were planted much earlier, before Lehi's family even arrived to the promised land? No, I am not referring to the friction and eventual split between Laman and Nephi. I believe the Nephite story is less about the generational effects of quarrelling brothers and more about the long-term social impact of an entire nation that persistently disregarded their sisters.

The Book of Mormon is, at its heart, the story of a family. We are introduced to a prophet named Lehi through his vision of the destruction of Jerusalem and accompanying theophany, but his main function in the narrative is that of father, traveling to the promised land with his wife and bickering sons. It really catches us off guard when we read in 2nd Nephi, long after the dramatic story of the family's journey in the wilderness is told, in some offhand comment nonetheless, that there were sisters.

With ample opportunity to name them, Nephi instead introduces his family this way: "And [Lehi] did travel in the wilderness with his family, which consisted of my mother, Sariah, and my elder brothers, who were Laman, Lemuel, and Sam."

Why does Nephi not think it is any more important to give us the names of Lehi's daughters than to record for us the names of Lehi's camels? What is the lesson for us in the Book of Mormon about women?

Over and over again, Nephite women are conspicuously missing. Overlooked. Forgotten. I mean, Nephi and his family are halfway down the road to the promised land before they suddenly remember that they need wives, the way a person might remember halfway down the highway that they forgot to pack their toothbrush.

I am no expert in ancient civilizations, but I would wager that Nephi was no less thoughtful and inclusive towards women than any other man in 600B.C. Context is everything in this story and, even among God's covenant people, Nephi was just probably functioning in the constructs of his ancient society. It probably does us no good at all to judge him harshly and according to our 21st century sensibilities. But some of us may be left wondering, "If a prophet, the mouthpiece of God, can't be inclusive towards women in the scripture, who on earth can?"

Well in 2021, we all can.

Dr. Joseph Spencer, a professor of philosophy and ancient scripture at BYU, suggests an interpretation from Jacob 2 that turned the Book of Mormon completely on its head for me. I borrow heavily from his presentation here, and from a chapter in his book from Neal A. Maxwell Institute here.

He suggests that we have good reason to believe that Lehi was trying to introduce to his sons a social model of gender that was different from Jerusalem society. It could be that he recognized the injustice and abuse against women in his society, and was inspired of God to create a new society in a new land. Jacob gives us these insights into the teachings of Lehi:

For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things. For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands. And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts. (Jacob 2:30-32)

Behold, the Lamanites your brethren...are more righteous than you; for they have not forgotten the commandment of the Lord, which was given unto our father—that they should have save it were one wife, and concubines they should have none, and there should not be whoredoms committed among them. And now, this commandment they observe to keep; wherefore, because of this observance, in keeping this commandment, the Lord God will not destroy them, but will be merciful unto them; and one day they shall become a blessed people. Behold, their husbands love their wives, and their wives love their husbands; and their husbands and their wives love their children. (Jacob 3:5-7)

And now behold, my brethren, ye know that these commandments were given to our father, Lehi; wherefore, ye have known them before; and ye have come unto great condemnation; for ye have done these things which ye ought not to have done. (Jacob 2:34)

The life of this particular remnant of Israel in the promised land was meant to be apart from the wicked traditions of their fathers, to become a society where women were no longer abused, excluded, or considered property—where husbands loved their wives and where monogamy was the rule. God separated Lehi and his family with a commandment that involved gender equality.

And thus, the rest of the Book of Mormon could be read through the lens of this question: How did they do?

Short answer: not good. Quite terrible, in fact.

Missing Women and the Downfall of the Nephites

Sariah is the only non-Lamanite woman who speaks in the first person, or is even mentioned, in the Book of Mormon. She is the wife of one prophet, and mother of another. She probably felt keenly the restraints put on her in this band of boys who seem to blunder along, forgetting all kinds of things and obviously not including her in the decision making process, having to backtrack needlessly. I am sure she sighed the way a mother does when she is halfway into town and her child suddenly announces he forgot to put on his shoes. In this position, waiting for her sons to return with the brass plates and worried that they might have died, she murmurs against her husband. "Behold, thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness."

The only identity afforded her in Jewish society, that of a mother, is at stake with the possible death of her sons, and her entire hope for a new life for her and her daughters is threatened. The most comforting words mustered by a prophet and compassionate husband do nothing for her. She is inconsolable, temporarily robbed of any sense of self on their journey to the promised land.

But there is a turnaround to her justified murmuring. With her sons' return, she emerges no longer just as Lehi's wife, and not just as Nephi's mother, but as a person with her own voice and her own testimony. She is her own witness. Sariah's reconciliation is given to us with her own words: 

"Now I know of a surety that he Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness; yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this manner of language did she speak."

Though she is testifying of her husband's calling as prophet, Sariah is nonetheless liberated by a faith that is at last independent of her husband, and she is given space on the gold plates to carve out her own witness. From there, she is provided the strength necessary to continue on her difficult journey to the promised land, even though she was soon after nearly brought to the grave on the ship by the men and their "exceeding rudeness."

Alas, there is no "Book of Sariah." She may not have even been literate, (though I like to believe she was.) But despite having only one verse to speak, one would at least hope that Sariah's would begin a legacy of incorporating women's voice and testimony into the Nephite record, engraving their words in gold alongside their husbands, brothers, and sons. But this did not happen. The nameless sisters in that first generation in the Americas, from the daughters of Lehi to the daughters of Ishmael, and continuing on in a long and tragic line of male-only generations all the way to a motherless, wifeless Moroni, prove that the Nephite's did not continue with Sariah's example if including women in the record.

From there on out, the only named women, the only women who ever speak in the record, or are mentioned by name, are Lamanite women. Abish. The mothers of the army of Helaman. King Lamoni's wife. The Lamanite Queen. All of these have a poignant place in the narrative. But if we try to find the same in the Nephites, we come up empty handed.

Without hyperbole, this eventually led to the Nephite's total destruction. It was their failure to "love their wives" that set them apart from the Lamanites and, as prophesied by Jacob, led to their downfall. However the Lamanites, who according to Jacob valued women at least more than the Nephites did, were spared to be redeemed in the last days.

One is left wondering that if women were treated differently in this ancient society, would the storyline be different? Would we still have to grapple with the tedious war chapters—the endless battles, the violence, the depravity—if women were valued the same as men in their society?

One BYU researcher I admire very much, Dr. Valerie Hudson, has studied and measured extensively different variables of how women are treated in nations around the world, and convincingly argues that "the fate of nations is integrally tied to the status of women in society." 

This can certainly be true of the Nephites. If we are looking to the Nephites as a model we should emulate, I believe we are reading it wrong.

So where do go from here?

Mormon and Moroni write to us on the hill as they witness the utter downfall of their patriarchal society, documenting in painful detail the cruelty and depravity, especially towards women, as outlined in Moroni 9. Moroni implores: 

"Condemn me not because of mine imperfection, neither my father, because of his imperfection, neither them who have written before him; but rather give thanks unto God that he hath made manifest unto you our imperfections, that ye may learn to be more wise than we have been."

O Ye Fair Ones: Mormon and Moroni witness the destruction of their people.

Without condemning, is it presumptuous to believe we can be "more wise" than the Nephites? If every attempt to create a Zion society in the scriptures has ended in disaster, what makes the restored Church any different? What do we have that they did not?

Well, for one thing, we have our unprecedented fight for global women's rights.

Moving Forward: Nephi's Sisters in Zion

When we look back on the progress that women have made in society over the past two hundred years since the Nephite record was extracted from the hill Cumorah—since heavenly messengers have turned their heavenly keys and Moroni has come to announce the Lord's coming with a trump—it has been very heartening. Women have gone from silent property to citizens with a voice in only a few short years. 

But how much more needs to be done? Well if the status of women is a temperature check on how well a nation is doing, I would say that given the state of things and the struggles we face worldwide, that the answer is "plenty of work."

Talking with the women in my life, some tell me they do not resonate with the claim that women struggle at church. Some say that they already do feel heard and involved at every level. Like Sariah, they have already made it onto the plates. I do not want to minimize their voice or their experience in any way. I am aware that many women already do speak in church, teach lessons, plan activities, participate in decision making, work in leadership positions, and some already feel like their voice is valued equally alongside the witness of their brothers and their husbands as they counsel and receive revelation together. I am truly happy for them.

But I also know that many women in this church do not feel included. Without changing any doctrine, there are some policies and church culture that could be changed to afford a space for some women to better reach their potential, especially if their spiritual gifts are not in the traditional sphere of caregiving and nurturing. Are women who feel excluded wrong in how they feel? Are they deceived by the feminists? Lost to the deceptive voices of the world? Is "all well in Zion, yea, Zion prospereth?" Are we pacified with the status quo of women at church? Do we spend more time decrying "radical feminism" and not enough time repenting and changing the ways we might be marginalizing women? In other words, if Nephi's sisters were to ask to write something to their posterity on our modern day golden plates, would we give them room to do so? Or would we just continue to let the men do the talking?

Last week at General Conference, I heard the voice of the Lord in the words of our prophet and apostles, and I felt the guidance and strength I needed. I was filled. But with only three women who made it to the pulpit, including the closing prayer, out of all 10 hours of the broadcast, I thought about how we can better fulfill President Nelson's plea for more women to step up and share their voices with us.

Of course, the Holy Ghost can teach us regardless of the gender of the messenger, and I do not mean to sow seeds of discontent in an otherwise marvelous conference. I sustain those who are specially set apart as special witnesses of Christ, and respect that they may be given priority in their messages. I do not claim insight into how speakers are chosen, but I do wonder: if there is no precedent for how women can speak up and share their voice at the highest levels, how can this happen on the ground? As one blogger writes, "You can't listen to women if they aren't invited to speak."

I do not know how much more needs to be done to give Nephi's sisters a voice and an identity today, but I am certain we can improve. I believe the first step to progress is to listen to our sisters, both those who are happy with the status quo and those who are not. I am not always the best at this, as my wife will hasten to tell you, but I am trying. Some of the necessary changes will come quietly, through the gentle voice of revelation. Others will require courage and a struggle. All will come from asking the Lord as we go to Him over and over again for guidance. Some of those changes to give women a voice will require official channels, but most, I think, are simply cultural attitudes that will fall away as everyday members persistently seek and ask how to include our sisters in the church. Regardless, it is going to take a lot of work. I do not believe God wants us to wait around for instructions on how to do this.

Unfortunately, many women are feeling more out of place in a church that is designed for Nephi. Young women in particular, I believe, are hungry for a church that is better suited to their needs. We have a rising generation of youth that is very comfortable asking questions and expecting cultural and official teachings that promote gender equality. We have young women who want to serve, but don't know how in a church designed by, and for, their brothers. 

And for the men, it will require active listening without assuming that we have already achieved equality in the church. Not yet, my brothers. Gender inequality is the most persistent, lingering result of the Fall of Adam and Eve. It is the foundation of the lone and dreary world. We will stay lone and dreary until we are side by side with our sisters as equal partners. The bride is not ready for the bridegroom. Bringing men and women together is the only thing that will bring us back into Eden's paradisiacal glory. At least, that is the symbolism I feel in the temple.

As contention increases inside and out of the church, we need more than ever a church designed by and for women as well as the men. We need the witness of Nephi's sisters to stabilize us, and while I might emphasize they are not responsible to "fix" the men, adding their voice alongside ours will stop us from falling into the same male-dominated patterns of contention like the Nephites did. Their voices are greatly needed.

Stay with Nephi

In the end, in spite of his weaknesses, Nephi's unnamed sisters remained with him. Nephi records, 

"Wherefore, it came to pass that I, Nephi, did take my family, and also Zoram and his family, and Sam, mine elder brother and his family, and Jacob and Joseph, my younger brethren, and also my sisters, and all those who would go with me. And all those who would go with me were those who believed in the warnings and the revelations of God; wherefore, they did hearken unto my words."

Today, I pray for the same. That our sisters will stay with us in Christ in spite of our shortcomings. That they will stay with me in spite of my numerous blunders. The only thing that will make this happen is mine and our repentance.

I know we have a prophet who guides us to safety in the wilderness towards Jesus Christ. I believe a large part of the ongoing restoration is the restoration of truths about gender equality. Just as the early saints kept their faith in Zion in spite of the failures of their leaders, in spite of the times when reality did not match with the ideal, we can forgive each other, bear with each other, and listen to each other.

For that to happen, we need Nephi's sisters to have a name. We need them to have an independent identity, and to speak and lead us on our journey. We need men to be proactive in allowing space for women to lead. We need both Lehi and Sariah's faith to be given equal weight on the record as we flee the wickedness of gender inequality at Jerusalem, making our way slowly, painfully, toward the promised land.

We need Nephi's sisters now more than ever as we continue to build our eternal families in the wilderness.